Worlds WORST Wingwoman 

I don’t know why but for years my single friends have come to me for advise on how to land a man and also asking me to help them find a man. REALLY?? Me finding someone was just down to pure drunken luck! That will be a story for another day. But why come to me, sure I would do anything for my friends, but help them find a man. Trust me they would be better off without my help.

For starters I have a lot more single female friends than I do male, a lot of the male friends coupled or married off early. So all of the eligible bachelors are taken and the ones that are single I’d rather not hook up with my single female friends at the fear they would never talk to me again. So setting up friends with friends is totally out!

Now i have been asked to be a wingwoman  numerous times, and no matter how many times I say I won’t do them any good my friends seem to ignore my warning. Why am I a horrible wingwoman? Well, for one I try to make light of the slim pickings and hope the sleazy guy with the cheap pick up lines secretly has a heart of gold. Two usually when I’m a wingwoman I’m drinking with the single friend and that usually ends up with me being extremely blunt with everyone.

I’ll use and example: it was my friends 33rd birthday and we were out enjoying a few drinks. Over our drinks she got a little emotional about her single status and how envyous she was that I was younger and married (that’s no achievement) so she decided to get me to help her find a man (bad decision). Mind you I’d had a fair few drinks over a Greek Three course dinner. I was basically grabbing any guy she would be slightly interested in and aggressively grab them and say “dance with my friend”. I feel sorry for those poor horrified men been grabbed by a small crazy person. They probably thought I was trying to kidnap them.

It could be the fact that usually when I’m scouting men for my friends I’m usually a few glasses of wine in and don’t really have any concept of being appropriate. But hey that’s how I met my husband, so wasted I thought he was the cab driver. NO JOKE I literally thought he was the taxi driver I even gave him the small talk you have with cabbies and gave him money for the ride, which he rejected. Lucky.

While I love my friends and will do absolutely anything to make them happy, I will not however be their wingwoman to help them find a man. The chances of getting a man by themselves would be greater than if I jumped into the equation. But really is there such a thing as a good wingwoman or wingman? Sure you see on TV and movies people teaming up to score, and they look like total fucking pros.

But really are there friends that actually ace the wingman/wingwoman- ing? All I could imagine is one friend being bored. It’s one of the random things I think about at night when I’m trying to sleep and my mind thinks of stupid shit.

Well I have a lovely glass of Rose waiting for me that just can’t wait.






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